A marriage isn’t supposed to be easy. You’re supposed to fight with your partner sometimes — just as you’re supposed to love them, support them and understand them through thick and thin, no matter what life throws at you. But when that fighting starts to make you feel like giving up, it can be hard not to ask yourself whether your marriage will survive it all — and whether you should even try anymore. Here are some tips on how to have productive fights with your spouse, so you don’t do anything rash that would put an end to your marriage altogether.
Steps to a Positive Argument
- Try not to argue in front of the children. It’s hard enough on them, they don’t need the added stress. 2. Remember that you are both on the same team and are trying to get out of this together.
- Be honest but kind and focus on what you want rather than attacking each other’s character or motives.
- Listen carefully for what your partner is really saying before responding and ask questions if you have trouble understanding them.
Is it personal, or can it be worked on?
A successful marriage is not just about finding the right person and saying I do on the day of your wedding. It takes time, effort, and understanding. It is about learning how to make your relationship work for you both in good times and in bad. One of the most important things you can do for yourself is learn how to argue with your spouse without it getting ugly.
What are the objectives of your partner?
-To feel heard and respected
-To have their ideas taken into consideration
-To feel like they make a difference in the relationship
What’s your goal in this argument?
Arguments are inevitable. But the key is learning how to argue in a productive way. If you can learn how to argue in a productive way, your arguments will actually make you stronger and closer as a couple. So what does it take to have productive arguments?
-It takes honesty. Honesty doesn’t always come easily but it’s crucial when arguing with someone you love and care about. Asking questions such as What do I want from this argument? or What do I need right now? helps give clarity to the discussion. -It takes listening.
Are you willing to lose for your relationship’s gain?
In order for your marriage to be successful, you may need to learn how to argue productively. Even though it’s not what most people want, it may be the best way for both of you to get the point across without getting hurt. The key is the willingness from both partners that they are willing to lose in order for their marriage’s gain.
Can you let go of being right (even if you are)?
It’s not easy, but the key is to resist the urge to be right. Instead, make your point and then let it go. Ask yourself: What do I really want? Do I want my partner to change his or her mind? Or do I just want my partner to understand me better and how I feel about this issue? Knowing the answer can help you make a decision about what’s most important for you in this moment.