What would you do if your four-year-old decided to pour orange juice all over the floor while you were trying to make pancakes? If you’re like most parents, your response would probably be to raise your voice, say something like How many times have I told you not to pour things on the floor? and then give her a lecture about responsibility and how she should know better. If this example feels familiar, you might want to consider some tips on how to find peace in the heat of the moment and stop yelling at your kids (or anyone else).
Why Do We Yell?
We yell because we think it will work. It’s a way for us to exert our power in the moment. Sometimes, yelling is an ineffective strategy that does nothing but escalate the situation. The next time you feel yourself losing control, try these five steps.
So, What Can We Do Instead?
- Take a deep breath.
- Look your child in the eye, take his or her hand and tell them you are sorry for yelling.
- Apologize for your part in creating this situation, no matter how big or small it may be, even if you don’t think it had any impact on what happened just now.
- Ask your child to forgive you for yelling, even if he or she is not ready to do so yet.
Tips on Finding Peace When Frustrated
- Take a break. Do something that calms you down for a few minutes, like call a friend or take a walk outside.
- Try not to worry about what might happen in the future. You may feel better if you focus on what’s happening right now.
- Ask yourself why you’re angry and figure out ways to fix your problems instead of yelling at someone else who is not responsible for them.
The Importance of Sleep
One important way that parents can maintain a sense of peace when they feel like they are losing control is by getting enough sleep. Sleep deprivation has been shown to make people more irritable, tense, and impulsive.
Understanding your child’s developmental needs (five sentences)
Another important thing parents can do is understanding their children’s developmental needs.
The Benefits of Music/Sound
Studies have shown that children who are exposed to music in utero show improved motor skills and a higher IQ than those who were not. Music can also help calm you down when you’re feeling frustrated or angry. Try listening to some calming music before you start your day, during stressful moments, or just as a way to relax after a long day.
Exercise Works Wonders!
There are many ways to have a peaceful moment with your child, such as taking a walk outside or reading their favorite book. But sometimes these moments are few and far between. The next time you feel yourself getting wound up, take five deep breaths! Research has shown that even this small amount of time can help reduce stress. If you feel like you need more space, try leaving the room for thirty seconds before coming back in.
Giving Yourself a Break
It’s hard not to yell when things are going wrong. But if you’re looking for a way out, try giving yourself a break. As soon as you see your anger rising, stop what you’re doing for 60 seconds, take some deep breaths or count to 10, then resume. It’ll give you time to regain control over your emotions and put yourself back in control.
Engage in an Activity Together
Sometimes finding peace in the heat of the moment can be as easy as engaging with your child in an activity they enjoy. If you’re feeling frustrated, try taking a deep breath and asking your child what they would like to do. Maybe that means reading a book together, playing outside or snuggling up on the couch for a movie night.